stories of my life

If all I do  Is watch the night sky  In my jammie  Taking in damp air  sitting on the terrace Living the moment I"ll be fine without you. If all I do  Is going on a drive  Outside the town & watch the drop of water over the mirror of our car I"ll be smiling through drizzle rainy days. If all I do  Is sipping my favorite hazelnut coffee In my favorite coffee house  & scribbling eternity of words  On the beloved sitting corner. If all I do  Is sit alone write about things I miss most  & have my favorite snacks I"ll be at peace without complaining about anything. If all I do  Is just spend my weekend With lying close to someone  & talk about the issue I'm facing  & someone solving my dilemmas I"ll be loving him a lot  More than I ought to. If all I do  Is not spend my time overthinking  & making my own assumptions I"ll not write this intense & harsh reality of mine. If all I do  Is do what I want for so long  I'll be

This is how we lose the era we cherish, One day at a time With one less call & more thoughts. On the Activa ride home I watch the city Sky in many shades Colour blending into each other As if they don't care  But within a minute they were apart  But how do we fix it? This is how we lost the era we cherish, One day at a time, Where we ride in the opposition direction, One less phone call, One more unread message,  & one less person to love. When I feel distant from everyone I sit in the balcony  Starting those yellow leaves turning green  & let the sky color me blue. On those days when I was happy I only write about faiths &  the soul who loves me  & Told me you are the best. I remember that was last autumn  Where I had stop overthinking, Where I don't give a damn about anything Just living & enjoying. & this is what I mean When I say I can taste memories I know the feel of autumn On my mind & heart. But Autumn is here But those memori

 When I say I want more I mean more flower on bad days, I mean more coffee on my worst days, More video call with my loved ones, More righteous chitchat,  & some bad jokes. When I say I want more That doesn't mean  subtle & fancy dress or shoes I mean some mountains & Maggie or some white lilies, Sunshine & the curtains that dance in the breeze I mean chants of a wind chime in the balconies, Candle night coffee with to all the boy's movie. When I say I want more That mean no more bad days I mean more quiet peace moments & some rays,  More is not a voracious things For me, it's a pleasant thing in a better way.

  I wish there were more things That could spark hope You know it's a bit odd  & a lot shabby, I know it's not poetic  But let's go to the point  Being alone sucks  Scrolling feeds, 100's of messages on social media  & then avoiding everyone sucks too. Seeing all those close people, your BFF Posting shit sending streak Feels like why I'm here, why not there, It tears me apart Because  I don't know what I'm doing  Even sometimes it feels like I knew it But then I get a sudden feeling like "is it worthy enough". But yeah I know this season  I'm being selfish  Thinking about me & my career But why not? Why should I feel guilty  Choosing my career first as a priority, It's not that poetic, right? Yeah, it's a reality. Everyday living the same life Entangled with same work Seeing other stories feeling jealous, It's like trapped  in the same cage Well let's say reality always suck Now let make this poetic , The clouds keep

All my life  I have been trying to walk on straight lines Because my mama told me from my tot till today, To measure what comes out of my mouth.  Living in the 21st century  & being blunt & honest women, Is entirely indigestion to fogy-prone people. Extra miles and meters of spilled truth from my mouth Could ruin my image of being a decent woman. Being raised in an Orthodox family  They grasp me zillions of time Tattooed me unknowingly, To tie my tongue with the words of decency,  & seal my lips with morality stamps  & hide my opinion in my back pocket  Whether it's right or wrong. Mostly I was advised to Sit back and listen to all the old age buzzes, I was never advised to Lay my opinions out of the box, Unrestricted. Because of this  I never learned when and how  To raise the right question or sentiments   & now I became more like a less talkative girl in this 21st century, Who is longing to be heard Without any judgments  Or without any fears. & now I am

Those beautiful memories were so painful to forget, I was hurting & dying in pain, But the pain couldn't go away, Yet somehow I managed to forget those beautiful moments with you. Memories, time & your face I forget everything about us But when we met some days ago You bring back me down to memory lane. A life without pain,  a life with you, Chasing sunset in the car with you  Genuine kiss followed by silly talks Things we did when we were dating. The day I met you you told me  That's it's your mistake you had done wrong, you're sorry for it,  & you want another shot. But somewhere I with my Tired eyes, hopeful heart, frail bones & stubborn eyes  Told you 'no I am over with that phase'. Still, you read my eyes  Told me what I want  You were so close & Yet so far away. You try to convince me to shield our love & betrayal our lust for others.  you know I still feel for you But somewhere I am afraid of the same thing that happene

There comes a time When life is testing me With the things,  I thought it was under control & that was the time when I step out of the comfort zone. I am remembering the time  When I thought of going to stranger & vent out loud,  & speak to them about what's hurting me. Sometimes I want the people  To look at my eyes & read what it says. I want someone to take me out of the cage, Which is making to control my life. But absolutely things don't happen in a way we want them  After a time, you won't be sad anymore After a time, you'll laugh at the things that made you cry yesterday. After a time, you'll live your life happy not in a controlled way. After a time, you'll again see yourself as you were earlier: happy strong & worthy capable women. After a time, you'll reach where ever you want you to be  & then this pain would look like a small part of your journey.